Mexican elections (complete clip)

Mexican elections (complete clip)

Before you watch: 

1. What do you know about Mexico and the latest Mexican elections?

2. What do most Mexicans think of President Peña Nieto?

3. Are they happy with the results of the elections? Are you?


Mexican elections: Last week tonight.

Let's talk about Mexico: number seven on the list of things that Donald Trump is most frightened of, just ahead of Muslims and just behind the concept of self-reflection. Mexico is a nation of a hundred twenty three million people, give or take a few Americans spring break douchebags like these two. 

"Cancun is the hands-down best place you can go for spring, because especially, being a college kid getting tipsy, then getting drunk and then a little bit of yayo on top of everything… a lot yayo, so if you get tired, here Cancun´s the best place for that, so. "

Cool. Incidentally, my favorite part of that clip is that in the corner it promotes something called “Brain surgery life”, which I sincerely hope is just a brain surgeon lobotomizing these two bros but Mexico isn't just a tourist destination, we share a 1900 mile border and they're our third largest trading partner and something massive is about to take place there.

"It's going to be the biggest election in Mexican history, with positions up for grabs from Mexico City Mayor to congressional seats to the top job."

Its true, next Sunday we'll see the biggest election in Mexico's history, which I know probably doesn't mean much to most Americans. It's like saying the biggest mattress sale in Dutch history or the biggest mouse penis in Portuguese history great: that mouse is sort of hung how does this affect me in any way? But what this actually means is that they could replace their President, their entire Congress and huge chunks of their state and local governments and many believe a major shift may be about to take place there because Mexicans are sick and tired of the status quo. Their current president's approval rating sunk as low as 12 percent last year and has become very common for people to shout a particular phrase at him.

Wow. “Go fuck your mother”  is something people only shout at you when they are angry. Nobody shouts it because they think you and your mother have great chemistry That's never happened. So tonight, let's look at why people are so angry at Mexico's current president Enrique Pena Nieto and who they are considering to replace him. And if we're honest, most Americans don't really know much about him for instance that's not Peñaa Nieto, that's just what came up when we typed “Mexican man” into a stock image site. But as long as he's here let's give this guy a spin. Look at him go. The man is absolutely leaving it all on the field. Just so you know, this is the real Pena Nieto, although he is also so handsome, he actually resembles a stock photo model. He was swept into office in 2012 on a wave of hype. He made the cover of Time magazine with the headline “Saving Mexico” and US coverage of his election was breathless.

Dashing 45 year-old former governor is married to a famous Mexican soap opera star wherever the couple went, they drew huge crowds especially women who despite the fact Peña Nieto was married, couldn't get enough of him, calling him “bombón”, which means “sweet thing” or “hottie” .The fact he admitted cheating twice on his first wife and bearing two children out of wedlock before she died of epilepsy didn't seem to faze the adoring crowd. 

Yeah, all of that is true and that would be completely unforgivable if he wasn't so violently attractive. How are you gonna stay mad at that? He is visually fuckedacular. And Peña Nieto's election was dramatic for a number of reasons: his party, the Institutional Revolutionary Party or Pri had previously enjoyed a 71 year long era of one-party rule in Mexico which only ended in 2000, so real multiparty democracy is very much a new thing there and for many the hope was that Peña Nieto would clean up the party's image and restore it to glory but to put it mildly, that did not happen. He himself was implicated in a number of serious scandals and on his watch not only did corruption not improve, it hit  such a fever pitch that visitors to Mexico City could do this. 

"This is the corrupt tour: a 90 minute bus ride to the seamier side of Mexican business and Politics. On its itinerary, ten city landmarks where public money has allegedly been diverted for private gain."

It's true, there were actually bus tours of Mexico's most appalling landmarks and I sincerely hope that that tour includes Guillermo del Toro's two Oscars for “The shape of water”. Guess what? Guess what? I was rooting for the fish man to die. The fish man was gross and I didn't enjoy watching him fuck and anyone who did is weird and wrong. But the sheer scale of government corruption in Mexico is hard to comprehend. Many, many politicians have close ties to cartels and gangs. At least 14 current or former governors of Mexican states are under investigation for corruption some of them for colluding with organized crime, like Xavier Duarte. He's the governor of Veracruz. On his watch, the state was bankrupted with nearly three billion dollars missing from official coffers. He's been charged with racketeering and using illegally obtained funds among other things and while he denies those charges, it frankly didn't look great that he fled the country in a helicopter, only to be tracked down and arrested and by the way, what is that smile then? That is not the face a grown man makes after being arrested. That is the face a nine-year-old makes after urinating in a public pool and this pervasive corruption contributes to a sense of impunity and diminished faith in cops or courts. Violence has spiked in Mexico with the country on track for 32,000 murders this year, twice as many as in 2014 and yet, only 2% of crimes in Mexico get solved, which may explain why these two Yayo fiends didn't seem to put much effort into their fucking disguises.


Give (sb/sth) a spin: Give him/her/it a chance.

 Breathless: Feeling or causing great excitement or other strong feelings. Eg. "She was breathless with shock."

Dashing: (of a man) attractive, adventurous and full of confidence. Eg: "A dashing young pilot."

Faze: (inf) to disturb or disconcert (sb). Eg: "She was not fazed by his show of anger."

Seamy: sordid and disreputable. Eg: "A seamy sex scandal"

Give or take: apart from. Eg: "It's a process that runs fairly smoothly, give or take the occasional glitch"

Up for grabs: available. Eg: "A £1 million jackpot is up for grabs"

Racketeering: Dishonest and fraudulent business dealings. Eg: "They have been accused of racketeering."

Part II

And for many, the incident that encapsulates all of this frustration: government corruption violence and a serious lack of accountability is what happened on Peña Nieto's watch in

“Forty-three students disappeared September 26th after boarding a bus to the town of
Iguala to raise money for an upcoming trip. Authorities say the mayor there feared the students would disrupt an event for his wife and had police stop them. The officers opened fire and turned the students over to a drug gang, which killed them and burned their bodies.” 

It was horrific and, incredibly, it got worse than that because there is evidence that the federal police and military were involved in the students´ disappearances but the government did not pursue it. And when you hear all of that, you can sort of understand why so many people want to tell Peña Nieto “chinga tu madre”. Now, he is not running for re-election, as Mexico's presidents are limited to one term. So, who are his potential replacements? Well, there is Jose Antonio Meade, also from the PRI party, but he has no chance, we're not going to talk about him. There is also Jaime Rodriguez an independent candidate and state governor known as El Bronco. He also has no chance but we're very much going to talk about him, because he is a human wrecking ball. Just watch his idea for stopping government corruption.

“We need to cut off the hand of anyone who steals in the public service.” 

“You're not speaking literally, are you, candidate?” 

“Yes, of course.”

“Cut off their hand literally?”


“Well, explain to me, please.”

“Anyone who steals must have his hand cut off. A bill must be presented so that members of Congress approve this penalty.” 

“Cut off the hand of the criminals.” 

“Of course.” 

“That is what you're gonna propose in the Congress?” 

“That's right.” 

That moderator gave him five separate chances to say that he wasn't being serious and he just broncoed his way through all  five of them. And chopping off somebody's hand is a pretty drastic punishment for political corruption, although a perfect way to eliminate contestants from my new reality competition show: “America's next top sock puppeteer”. I'm sorry, Flopsy bunny just didn't wow us. Anthony, please place your hand on the chopping block.

But that is not El Bronco’s boldest position because he also has a firm and unwavering hatred of Santa Claus.

“I don't believe in Santa Claus. Do you believe in Santa Claus? How many believe in Santa Claus? Look, just three. Santa Claus is bad.” 

It's true, El Bronco hates Santa. And if you think we are cherry picking just one example of virulent anti-santarism, think again. 

“When did you tell your kids there was no Santa Claus?”

“Every day.” 

“Every day?” 


He tells his children, every day, that Santa is not real. That is harsh. That is so harsh!


The pointed is El Bronco is not going to be the next Mexican president. The candidate currently polling second is this guy, Ricardo Anaya, a 39 year old center-right wonk . He is known for delivering twenty-minute policy presentations that are somehow even more “explainery” than the ones on this show. 

The yellow line shows the behavior of manufacturing employment in the United States. Now, as you can clearly see, it remains steady, despite NAFTA.” 

Right. On one hand that was extremely boring but at least we now know what it would look like if Pitbull went to grad school. Now, clearly, this guy is a bit of a nerd, although he 
does desperately try to be cool because he plays a bunch of musical instruments: he plays guitar, he plays ukulele, he plays keyboard and the coolest instrument of all: the recorder. 
 That is simply pathetic. And it is not just me saying that, in Mexico that clip is at least  what's been called a tsunami of memes, including videos where people swap in different songs like this version of Britney Spears´ toxic.

Wrecking ball: A heavy metal ball swung from a crane into a building to demolish it.
Unwavering: steady or resolute. Eg: She gave him an unwavering stare.
Wonk: A person who works or studies too much, especially someone who learns and knows all the details about something. Eg: As the depute for domestic policy issues, Jones has functioned as both policy wonk and political guru.
Swap (in): substitute (one thing) for another. Eg: I swapped my busy life in London for a peaceful village life.

Part III
¡Muy bien, Mexico! ¡Muy, muy bien! Now, I know he did try and toughen his image up during the campaign but he struggled to stick the landing like when he released this video ahead of a debate.

What are you doing?! Just hitting that speed bag is genuinely impressive, but you then ruined it with that weird smile at the end! It's like someone successfully pulling the cloth from underneath a table setting and then immediately pissing their pants. He was so close! You fucking ruined it, though. But the outright front-runner and the man widely expected to win this election is Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador, a populist who often goes by his initials AMLO and he served as mayor of Mexico City, building a reputation as a man of the people, famously commuting to work in a Nissan Sentra, the vehicle rated “Meh” by JD Power and Associates. This is actually AMLO’s third time running for president. He lost in 2006 and 2012, not taking that first loss particularly well cuz not only did he refuse to accept the results, he held a gigantic alternative inauguration ceremony in Mexico City in which he was sworn in with a fake sash and declared himself the legitimate President of Mexico. His supporters occupied the city central square for months and that is ridiculous. When Al Gore lost the 2000 election, he didn't hold a fake inauguration, he just told us we were all gonna die and it was our fault. It was it was just called basic good sportsmanship. 

Now look, AMLO´s campaign has caught fire this time around because he has tapped into populist anger. He's promised to help the poor and eradicate corruption and he often rails against the elites and the mafia in power.

That sounds great and you can kind of see the appeal there. AMLO is kind of like Bernie Sanders but with a better haircut and significantly better Spanish.

I honestly think he could have carried a hundred percent of the Hispanic vote if his slogan had been: “Vote for me and I will never speak Spanish again.” 

AMLO’s goals may be clear but the details of how he plans to achieve them can be pretty sketchy. His opponents have attacked him as a dangerous leftist but journalists who've covered him say it's hard to judge things based on his policy platforms because they're prone to change often seemingly overnight and that he often makes big promises while keeping his own advisers guessing as to what he really means so in that way he's actually more reminiscent of a Mexican Donald Trump, which I know is a weird image to conjure up, like Orthodox Hitler or jacked Gandhi. The two concepts don't fit well together, but the lack of concrete policy hasn't dampened the excitement around AMLO, whose supporters have made some pretty striking ads. 

Holy shit! That is the most terrifying Tiger I've seen since the episode of Winnie the
Pooh where Tigger ate Eel and was that really surprising? They´re wild animals, Christopher Robin, you can't just keep them in your backyard. It was bound to happen sooner or later. Not a tragedy. That was inevitable but that ad actually becomes less fun when you learn that it was made by the social encounter party, an evangelical Christian party that opposes same-sex marriage, homosexuality and abortion. That party is in AMLO's coalition, which kind of speaks to the fact that by being so vague, he can let people see what they want to see in him. So, sure, a christian conservative party can think that he's on their side, as can be presumably much more liberal people behind this ad, which pitches AMLO as an aphrodisiac.

That is the most sexually explicit campaign ad since Theodore Roosevelt's famous slogan of “Teddy will make you cum”. But the point here is while the hope in AMLO is real, the content is a question mark and it says something about how entrenched the problems in Mexico are and the level of people's dissatisfaction that they seem so willing to take a gamble on him. And look, for much of this piece we've talked about the problems in Mexico, of which there are many, but that is what makes it all the more impressive: the people are putting their lives on the line to solve them. There are journalists tackling corruption, despite the fact that Mexico is the third deadliest country in the world for them to work after Iraq and Syria. And there are honest politicians running for office, even though 120 politicians including 44 candidates have been killed during this campaign. In the town of Piedras Negras, an anti cartel congressional candidate was murdered just earlier this month but the mayor there is refusing to hide.

Wow that is just amazing. just amazing and and for the record I am not that brave, I am NOT that brave at all. Sure, I´ll shit talk the drug cartels from the safety of New York. This, for instance is the actual head of the Sinaloa cartel and I'll happily say that he looks like Andy Garcia won a pizza eating contest cuz fuck that guy, fuck him, I'm not scared of him, but I wouldn't have the courage to say that in Mexico, and I wouldn't even have the courage to say it here. That's not the head of the Sinaloa cartel, that's another stock photo. Do you think I´'m fucking crazy? Do you think I´m insane? I´m a coward!
The point here is Mexico is on the verge of the biggest election in their history with a chance to combat endemic corruption that has betrayed its people for far too long and I sincerely hope the candidates they choose at every level are worthy of the trust that's about to be placed in them.

Stick the landing: To execute flawlessly from the beginning through the end. Eg: All phaces of the sales cycle require great attention to detail but to be successful, we must stick the landing to close the deal.
Outright:  Altogether, completely. Eg: He rejected the proposal outright.
Front runner: The contestant that is leading in a race or other competition. Eg: The front runner for the presidential nomination.
Sportsmanship: Generous behaviour or treatment of others, especially in a sporting contest. Eg: He displayed great sportsmanship in defeat.
Tap into something: To understand and express something such as people's beliefs or attitudes. Eg: The senator's ability to tap into the American psyche. 
Rail:To criticize severely. Eg: When you rail against increased taxes at a town meeting, you speak openly and loudly about how wrong the increase is.
Sketchy: (inf.) Dishonest or disreputable. Eg: Once the story does come out, the fact that you tried to hide it will seem sketchy.
Seemingly: So as to give the impression of having a certain quality; apparently. Eg: A seemingly competent and well-organized person.
Conjure up: Summon into action or bring into existence, often as if by magic; "raise the specter of ", bring up, invoke. Eg: He conjured wild birds in the air. 
Reminiscent: Tending to remind one of something. Eg: The sights were reminiscent of my childhood.
Jacked: (of a person) having very well-developed muscles.Eg: Back in his prime, he was nicknamed the 'Anabolic Warrior' for his jacked-up physique.
Pitch: The words or speech someone, especially a salesperson, uses to persuade someone to buy, do or use something. Eg: A special team was sent to make a pitch for the new car plant to be built in Germany.
Put on the line: To expose to a chance of loss or damage. Eg: She put her job on the line when she told the boss that he was wrong.